I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
did i walk over a car last night?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
