I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
