Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
