The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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