It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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