I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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