I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
