I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
