everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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