Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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