i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
