Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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