You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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