i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
