I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
