So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
