her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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