saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
