we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
