Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
