I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
