Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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