I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
