Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
