It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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