I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
