Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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