once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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