I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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