Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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