Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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