Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
