well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
