I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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