Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize