Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
