I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
