Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(940): View more from Texas

and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.

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(315): View more from New York

at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache

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(623): View more from Arizona

We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight

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(435): View more from Utah

Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.

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(989): View more from Michigan

He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.

(1-989): View more from Michigan

I'll uninvite my mom

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(815): View more from Illinois

I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend

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(812): View more from Indiana

are you inviting me to ice cream?

(630): View more from Illinois

the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream

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