At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
