I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
