Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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