i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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