It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
