Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
