thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
