Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize