it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize