WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it was like eating out sand paper
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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