i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
