pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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