I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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