You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
