It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
