Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
