Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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