so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
