I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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