im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
