So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
