I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
