i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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