So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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