Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
