Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
