I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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