WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
