did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
