Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
