i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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