Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
