I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we made out on top of his cat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
