Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
