yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
