I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
