This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize